Intermission: Radio Transcript

Transcript from

The Morning Show with

Face-For-Radio Rick (Richard Snyder)

and Easy-Going Earl Boy (Earl Boyland)

WKTT-FM 104.7

RICK: Good morning. They’re telling the FCC to warn us to avoid using the Z-word. But what else do we have to talk about? It’s everywhere now. They may have been able to contain it at one time. Quarantine it somewhere. And maybe they tried.

EARL: Well I’ll tell you this and it isn’t a threat, its...

RICK: Thank God. We got a call. Good morning caller. Thanks for sparing us another Easy-Going tirade.

EARL: [expletive] you Face-For-Radio Rick.

RICK: Where are you calling from?

CALLER: Hello?

RICK: Yes caller we hear you. Where are you calling from?

CALLER: Hey. Good morning Rick. Good morning Earl. Long time listener first time caller.

EARL: We always welcome our virgin callers. Don’t worry. We’ll be gentle.

RICK: Yes Easy-Going Earl we never get tired of hearing your catch phrase.

CALLER: Thanks guys. You’re downtown right?

RICK: Smack dab thereabouts.

CALLER: Hate to be where you are. Hear its chaos.

EARL: Getting there.

RICK: How are things in your area?

CALLER: Well I’m looking out the window right now and I see dead people. Pardon the cliché.

EARL: From east coast to west coast. They’re all over the place. Like a [expletive] Michael Jackson video. Except we’re not dancing and neither are they.

RICK: Seriously, who remembers the eighties?

CALLER: They say it takes massive head trauma to bring one down.

RICK: Whoa. Stop right there. We cannot condone killing anyone.

EARL: We’re not condoning anything.

RICK: Nor can we give instructions on how to do it.

CALLER: But those freaks are killing people. Have you seen what they do?

RICK: Don’t say it. You’ll just gross us out.

EARL: This is such [expletive].

CALLER: [expletive] right, its [expletive].

RICK: I just wish someone would tell us what exactly is causing this problem.

CALLER: They’re eating people. That’s the problem.

EARL: What a way to go.

RICK: We’re not supposed to talk about that remember?

EARL: We’re not even supposed to say the Z-word.

CALLER: Can I?

RICK: Yes. Technically you’re allowed. But we’re not.

CALLER: Zombie. Ghoul. Flesh-eating dead person. And here’s one for you: Somnambulist. Did I say that right?

EARL: I believe you did sir.

RICK: Well done.

CALLER: So what are we supposed to do? Just step around them on our way to work? Say don’t eat my family while I’m out trying to earn a living?

EARL: We supposed to just drive by and wave?

RICK: I guess so. Until they stop treating them like they’re still alive. This isn’t a problem that’s just going to go away.